How are the lads?

Stats tell us that in harmful relationships, “Women are considerably more likely to experience repeated and severe forms of abuse, including sexual violence.” (Women’s Aid, 2021) That’s why lots of the support out there for young people focuses on girls and young women.

But we know it’s not always like this. Women can also be abusive. And harmful behaviour can happen in same-sex relationships. So if you’re a young man or teenager with concerns about your relationship, then – no matter who you’re dating – this one’s for you…

Your relationship checklist…

Honest & open

Can you tell your partner anything? Does it work both ways? Do they trust you too? Trust, openness, honesty – and generally feeling comfortable with your partner – are really important foundations for a healthy relationship. Ask yourself this – if you and your partner can’t trust each other, is there really any point in being together?

Time

Spending lots of time together can be great. But it’s healthy to have separate interests – and you shouldn’t be hanging around with someone because you’re scared of what might happen if you say no. If your partner bombards you with calls or messages and you feel harassed when you’re apart, there might be some unhealthy behaviours going on.

Think about how you feel when you and your partner are apart and they contact you. Does your heart sing or sink? Do you smile and wonder what they have to say? Or do you eye roll and wonder why they can’t leave you alone for a bit? Or maybe you feel anxious about what you might have done wrong or what they’ll accuse you of this time? Not a good sign.

Fights

Violence is never acceptable within any relationship. No-one should be doing things like slapping, punching, hitting, biting, spitting, scratching or throwing stuff at anyone. It’s toxic. Disagreements are fine. But if you’re constantly arguing (even without any physical violence) – or if you’re the one changing your behaviour or apologising to keep the peace – think carefully about whether it’s time to end things. And seek help if you think you might struggle to leave safely.

It’s not all about sex

The stereotype of lads always being up for it isn’t healthy for anyone. And while many harmful relationships involve women and girls being pressured/coerced into doing sexual things that make them feel uncomfortable, it can happen to men and boys too.

If your partner – whether male or female – is putting pressure on you or doesn’t respect you when you set healthy boundaries, think about whether staying will be good for you in the long-term.

Supportive & encouraging

Is your partner supportive and encouraging? – of things like your exam results, career ambitions, life goals, etc? Do they make you believe in yourself? Do you want to make them proud?

Being supportive and encouraging of each other is a sign of a healthy relationship. If your partner makes you feel stupid or you feel like you’ll never be good enough, perhaps it’s time for a re-think about your relationship?

Remember, if you feel insecure or unhappy in your relationship, you can talk to us at any time.