Toxic relationships & technology
Technology plays a part in pretty much everything we do. So it’s no surprise that technology can cause problems in toxic or unhealthy relationships. In fact, technology can actually facilitate toxic/unhealthy relationships.
Toxic Relationships & Technology
We put more and more about our lives online. Parents or carers who are meant to be responsible for your safety might have no idea about the kind of conversations you’re having online. Which – like it or not – puts you at risk. And it’s not just social media – it’s things like phones and gaming chats too.
Someone could use your phone to track your movements without you knowing.
Someone could use social media to bully/intimidate/threaten you.
Anyone in the world could contact you through chat in games like Xbox Live.
“Everyone thought we were mates. In reality, the bullying didn’t stop till I finally broke down and told my mum. She had no idea. No-one did.” – Ethan.
Technology & real-life relationships
If your relationship with someone close to you – partner, ex-partner, parent or someone else – is unhealthy or toxic, they might be using technology to harm you.
In toxic relationships, harmful behaviour doesn’t happen as a one-off. It’s about an ongoing pattern of harmful behaviour. Technology might be one of several ways that someone is hurting you.
Is someone tracking your phone? Did they do this without telling you?
Did someone hack into your social media accounts to read your messages?
Did they start a hate campaign online and get their friends to join in?
Do they bombard you with messages when you’re not together?
These are all examples of unhealthy behaviours where someone has used technology to harm you. Even doing just one of these things is a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship.
“I posted a selfie on Snapchat. My ex saw it & recognised something in the background. He found me and literally screamed in my face in the middle of the street.” – Aimee.
Technology & online relationships
But as we’ve heard time and time again, it’s not just about the relationships we have with people we’ve physically met. Technology can facilitate toxic/unhealthy relationships – especially the ones that start by connecting with strangers online.
Murder Games (BBC Three) is a docudrama that tells the true story of Breck Bednar, a 14-year-old schoolboy who was killed after being groomed online while gaming. Breck has American parents, so his name sounds American. But this happened in Surrey, England. Breck’s killer was British. He was 18.
We all like to think it wouldn’t happen to us. We’ve all had the ‘stranger danger’ talk. We’re smarter than Breck, right? The thing is, Breck had heard the warnings. Sat through the lessons. He knew the score. But he thought they were mates. It happened to him. It could happen to anyone.
“Breck would’ve never known he was being groomed. Because it’s so subtle. And it’s not always sexual. It can sometimes just be a lot of compliments. A lot of attention…” – Breck’s mum.
This is a powerful video where Breck’s friends and family describe what happened to him. Private chats. Befriending. Compliments. Building trust. Manipulation. Isolation. It was all there, but it was so subtle that Breck couldn’t see it.
Watch now to discover the role of technology in Breck’s murder.