Toxic same-sex relationships
Unhealthy and toxic behaviours can happen in any kind of relationship – parents, children, siblings, friendships, gay or straight – anyone can find themselves in a harmful relationship.
Ryan’s advice…
Ryan experienced harmful behaviours within his same-sex relationship. It took a long time for him to realise what was happening.
This is Ryan’s advice to other gay people who are worried their relationships might be unhealthy...
“I came out as gay to my friends when I was 16, but I wasn’t ready to tell my parents until I was 25. Someone asked me recently: ‘Why did you wait so long to tell your family when it’s so easy to come out now?!’ I was too shocked to answer the question.
“There have been some fantastic changes for the LGBT+ community in terms of more portrayals in the media and major steps towards equality. But if you’ve kept your sexuality a secret for a long time, it can be really hard finding the courage to come out to the people you love if you’re terrified of how they’ll react.
“Being outed is a major risk factor in unhealthy or toxic LGBT relationships. The fear that someone you’ve opened up to might go and tell your loved ones can be used to gain power and control. Another risk factor is the secrecy around where you’re going or who you’re meeting because you want that privacy.
“And then there’s the issue around not knowing what a same-sex relationship is like. Sometimes people in toxic same-sex relationships accept the unhealthy behaviour that’s happening because it’s all they know – or because they don’t think anyone will believe them if they speak up. ‘A man would fight back’ is a common misconception – and can be a really damaging mindset when it comes to harmful same-sex relationships.
“For anyone who’s worried about anything in their life – whether sexuality, relationships or any other stress – my advice is to talk to someone you can trust. A friend. A teacher. A helpline. Anyone you can trust.
“Open up. Get some support. And let someone help you figure out how to move towards a happier future. It really does feel like a weight has been lifted.”
What next?
If you’re concerned about your own same-sex relationship or someone else’s but you’re not sure who you can talk to, why not call us for a chat?
We’re not here to judge. We aren’t going to tell you what to do. But we can help you make sense of what’s been going on and figure out your options.