Unhealthy relationships: how to spot the warning signs
Five ways to mental wellbeing
We follow the Government’s five ways to mental wellbeing in our work with teenagers & young people affected by domestic abuse.
The five areas of wellbeing are:
Connect: Strengthening relationships with others – and feeling close to and valued by others, including at work – is critical to boosting wellbeing.
Keep learning: Being curious and seeking out new experiences at work – and in life more generally – positively stimulates the brain.
Be active: Being physically active – including at work – improves physical health and can improve mood and wellbeing and decrease stress, depression and anxiety.
Give: Carrying out acts of kindness – whether small or large – can increase happiness, life satisfaction and general sense of wellbeing.
Take notice: Paying more attention to the present moment – to thoughts and feelings and to the world around us – boosts our wellbeing.
Keep learning
Keep learning is the second of the five areas of wellbeing. Learning how to spot the warning signs of a potentially harmful relationship can help you keep safe as well as help you protect your mental wellbeing.
If you’ve experienced unhealthy or damaging relationships in the past – between you and a partner, your parents or someone else – learn how to spot red flags in new relationships before things escalate.
When something doesn’t feel quite right…
People who harm tend to start small and escalate as they ‘get away’ with more and more harmful behaviour. So the early warning signs aren’t necessarily things that jump out.
They’re often called ‘red flags’ because they alert you to potentially harmful behaviour. These warning signs might tell you something feels a bit off. And it’s really important that you take notice of them.
"If I took too long to reply he'd call again and again till I answered. I could never just chill out with my friends. It was so stressful. "
– LIVVY
Little digs. Nit-picking. Sulking. Lying. Making fun of you. Slagging off your mates. You might feel like challenging these things is making a fuss about nothing. So you keep quiet. Push your feelings to the back of your mind. Because most of the time, they’re perfect – right?
The thing is, abusers rely on you accepting the little things so they can control you without you realising that they’re actually part of a wider pattern of controlling, coercive and harmful behaviour. By being able to spot the red flags, you can take early action before things escalate.
Warning signs of an unhealthy relationship
If you’ve been in a toxic relationship for a while – or if you’ve grown up around unhealthy or harmful relationships – you might have been conditioned to distrust your gut instinct.
You might have been accused of being “over-sensitive” or “hysterical” or “difficult” so often that you struggle to trust your own judgement. So what does unhealthy look like? How do we know what to look out for?
"She hated me seeing my mates. She'd start an argument so I didn't feel like going out."
– WILL
A toxic partner might…
Text you constantly when you’re apart
Sulk when they don’t get their own way
Use sexual insults or put-downs
Try to move things along too fast
Cause drama if you want to see your mates
Have a read of our relationships pages to learn more about what healthy, unhealthy and toxic relationships might look like.
Relationships & mental wellbeing
Relationships can have a massive impact on our mental wellbeing. Healthy relationships built on trust, mutual respect and open communication can lift us up. And toxic relationships full of mistrust, accusations, disrespect and secrecy can wear us down.
"He was obsessed with getting a place of our own. When I told him it was too soon he said I wasn't committed."
– KAYLA
If you’ve been affected by toxic or unhealthy relationships, improve your mental wellbeing by learning to spot the warning signs. And remember – you can leave a relationship for any reason. You don’t need permission.
If you’re worried about something that’s happening in your relationship – with a partner, parent or someone else – and you need help workout out what to do next, contact us when you’re ready to talk.